Monday, March 25, 2013

Crazy T-Shirts, Werewolves, And Unicorn Brains

By Roger Ladd


I get asked, "Are you okay?" by quite a few people everyday. It may be due to the crazy t-shirts I wear, or it could be due to the fact that I am constantly on the hunt for delicious unicorn brains. I eat people brains too, but unicorn brains are second only to Cyclops eye in terms of a delicate finish on the palate. Simply delicious fare for a discriminating psychopath.

I don't eat people's brains every day, mind you. Whenever I wake up and feel a bit slow, I find that a good dose of brains is what the doctor calls for to get a pep back in my step. Also, brains and scrambled eggs make for a great breakfast. There's something about all that protein that really gets my brain working...also, the assimilated memories and brain power is pretty great too.

I stay up way too late at night on my typical unicorn-hunt evenings. When I get up in the morning, I really feel like I'm a real zombie and not just pretending to be one. My joints are stiff, my eyes are swimming, and my pulse is way too low. If I didn't score a good unicorn brain, or at least a horn, the night before then I'm not worth very much the next day. I hate doing it, but a human brain comes in handy when I feel that bad.

Speaking of unicorns, does anyone else know why they've been running around with those werewolves lately? I didn't think they got along at all, and definitely not enough to hang out and frolic in the forest. It's just weird. I can't sneak up on a unicorn who's having wood beers with a werewolf. What happened to all the princesses they used to pal around with. Princess brains are WAY easier to get your hands on than a stupid old werewolf brain.

It doesn't take much skill to be crazy, you know. You probably already are and don't even know it yet. I'm one of the lucky ones because I've known I was crazy since the first time someone told me, "You so crazy." I AM so crazy. I ate her brain to prove it. I think it gives my prey a fighting chance if I just go ahead and wear my crazy t-shirts. If they think it's just supposed to be a joke, then that's their fault. I'm as mad as a hatter and I have the brains and crazy t-shirts to prove it.




About the Author:



No comments:

Post a Comment